Monday, April 16, 2012

April 16

This is a day that will always hold a special place in my heart.
April 16 was the due date of my first pregnancy.
My child would be 5 years old this year.

It isn't something I talk about with anyone.  It is something I even bring up to my husband.  As this day passes every year, I say a prayer for the child that was once in me, even if just for a little while.  I have read and prayed and talked with a lot of people about miscarriages and I am not sure what I believe.  Some say it was your child who needed a more perfect body who later comes to earth through another pregnancy.  Some say you will have the opportunity to raise that child in heaven. I have heard they just needed a body, if only for a moment. The verdict is still out for me....

But nonetheless, I ache and hurt.  He would be going to kindergarten.  He would be talking and running and learning numbers and letters....But he didn't make it.  It didn't happen. I am grateful for the lives I carried before my sweet Tiny Baby was born because I think I appreciate him so much more.  I have heard, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before."  It doesn't make things any easier.

To my sweet spirit baby, I love you and I am grateful to have loved you.  I am grateful to have had you inside of me, if only for a few weeks.  You made me a mommy first.  You brought joy to our home and our lives.  Thank you for loving and choosing me.  Happy Birthday Baby!!