Thursday, October 29, 2009


Well, I ended up being 15 days late!
But after those fifteen days, I started clomid. It was no walk in the park! My friends, you were not lying when you said it could cause mood swings. I felt like I was on the verge of crying every minute. I was super weepy. And my second side effect was HOT FLASHES! They were so random and so crazy. I would be up teaching a class and all of sudden, start sweating and fanning myself. Wow...I am not sure I am ready for children. All of the trying, all of the waiting, and I am having second thoughts, huge worries! I have heard it say that no one is ever really ready, but I don't feel physically, emotionally, financially ready. I still just trust in a bigger plan.

We don't have Internet set up at our home yet, so it is only occasionally I get to blog. Man, I miss it! Hopefully, a longer update soon!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

11 Days Late and Counting

I was so excited when I spoke to my Ob/Gyn and we spoke about starting Clomid. I was supposed to start around the 1st, but here it is, the 11th, and still no cycle beginning. I have tested over and over, but it just keeps coming out negative! It is super frustrating, but I suppose it is all part of the plan.

Dh and I are moved into out new home and we are so excited. I worry a lot about money but I worry a lot about everything really. Still hoping, still praying.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

A glimmer of Hope

Just got a call from my doctor. Dh's test results came back good. His swimmers are strong and he has a normal amount of them. However, about 3% of them have an odd shape she said. She said they don't really get too much alarmed until the number is at 4%. So, we talked about options and we are going to do our first round of clomid. She said it increases our percentage of twins from 3% to 15% and I had to say "Yeah!" I have wanted twins my entire life. She said we will try clomid for 3 months and if we still haven't gotten pregnant, we would talk about insemination. This is the first time in a very long time I have felt a glimmer of hope. I am swimming in worry though. We just bought our first home and Matt is out of a job, but I have to trust in a greater, more divine plan. The last few weeks when we have been praying, I thank Heavenly Father for the blessings we have and I say something to the effect that I recognize that through Him, all things are possible. I also know that it is His timing, not mine.

Friends, if you have been on clomid is there anything I should expect out of the ordinary? Any strange side effects? Anything I should be worried about?

September has come and gone

I had a dream several months ago that I would be pregnant in September. I waited in anticipation all month hoping and praying that my dream to finally be a mother would come true. My heart breaks this morning as October peaks its head around September's doorstep. Another month come and gone. There are some nights I don't get off work until 11:00pm, so driving home next to midnight, there are some strange radio shows on. I remember hearing one about a dream analyzer and a woman called in with a dream of being pregnant, but for one reason or another, she absolutely could not, under any circumstance, get pregnant. (I think it was because she wasn't with anyone at the time). The dream analyzer told her pregnancy dreams just meant a new beginning. We had a new beginning this month with the new home, but I hoped deep down in my heart that there would be a baby to put in the room we are "saving" as a nursery.

I am working very hard to stay positive. I am working very hard on keeping my chin up and keeping the faith. There are good days, and there are bad days. At this point, the good still out number the bad.