Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Dear Friend,

My heart aches for you because...I have been there.

When I heard you lost your second little one to a miscarriage last week, my heart ached. I cried and shed many tears for you. I wish that I could take you in my arms and hold you. I wish that I could give you permission to cry, to be angry. Those are okay emotions to feel. I wish I could tell you that your time will come too. I want to make it better, easier for you. I want you to be able to smile again, but please know, it is okay to hurt.

I love you dearly. I know you don't know me, but it is important for me to tell you, you are in my prayers. You are a special spirit daughter of God and although it may not seem like it, He has a grand, divine plan for you! The road is never easy and I recognize that. I know that there is nothing I can say that will make it easier for you. I know that words are often meaningless, but know that I am praying, and crying, with you!

Monday, February 15, 2010

The Post I Never Thought Would Happen

Five years...
Five years of failed pregnancies, negative "pee on a stick tests," friends have multiple children, seeing lots of blessings and big bellies....

I never thought it would be me.

I made the comment to dh that with two dogs and our home, that our family felt complete. For the first time, I felt content with where we were, what we were doing.

One round of clomid, a lot of luck and prayers, and we conceived our miracle baby. This was seriously a post I never thought I would be typing. In fact, I have waited so long because I wasn't sure what the fate of my blog would be. I still don't know. But there are a few things I know for certain...

My heart aches for my dear friends still TTC. It can be a lonely journey. I have been there and I know. It doesn't matter if this is our only little one or if we have ten more, I can never forget where I have been. I can't stop crying because I know the pain, the sorrow, the heartache...and now, I am getting to experience the happiness, the anticipation, the excitement of an upcoming little one. I will NEVER understand the absolute injustice of infertility. And yes, I think it is an injustice. As second grade as it sounds, it is NOT fair. But I continue to learn from my journey.

I know that I relish in every moment of this pregnancy. I know that the sickness I STILL feel at 18 weeks is my baby growing. I know that the heartburn I have everyday is a good thing. I try not to complain too much because this is exactly what I wanted and I try to relish in every moment of it.

The fate of my blog is undecided. But I anticipate the next few months, the next few years, eternity, with my little one and my husband. I know prayers are answered, and it is not about our timing, it is not always our way.