Monday, February 15, 2010

The Post I Never Thought Would Happen

Five years...
Five years of failed pregnancies, negative "pee on a stick tests," friends have multiple children, seeing lots of blessings and big bellies....

I never thought it would be me.

I made the comment to dh that with two dogs and our home, that our family felt complete. For the first time, I felt content with where we were, what we were doing.

One round of clomid, a lot of luck and prayers, and we conceived our miracle baby. This was seriously a post I never thought I would be typing. In fact, I have waited so long because I wasn't sure what the fate of my blog would be. I still don't know. But there are a few things I know for certain...

My heart aches for my dear friends still TTC. It can be a lonely journey. I have been there and I know. It doesn't matter if this is our only little one or if we have ten more, I can never forget where I have been. I can't stop crying because I know the pain, the sorrow, the heartache...and now, I am getting to experience the happiness, the anticipation, the excitement of an upcoming little one. I will NEVER understand the absolute injustice of infertility. And yes, I think it is an injustice. As second grade as it sounds, it is NOT fair. But I continue to learn from my journey.

I know that I relish in every moment of this pregnancy. I know that the sickness I STILL feel at 18 weeks is my baby growing. I know that the heartburn I have everyday is a good thing. I try not to complain too much because this is exactly what I wanted and I try to relish in every moment of it.

The fate of my blog is undecided. But I anticipate the next few months, the next few years, eternity, with my little one and my husband. I know prayers are answered, and it is not about our timing, it is not always our way.

5 comments:

  1. I am so happy for you Brander Bean. I hope that you get over your sickness so you can enjoy being pregnant a little more. Glad it is all going so well!

    ReplyDelete
  2. For those of us who have suffered infertility, the pain never really goes away. It was a weird shift when I finally got pregnant. Suddenly I was supposed to look through the baby section at the store, not walk by and avert my eyes to keep from crying. I was probably 6 months pregnant before we bought much of anything for Carter. I just didn't want to get my hopes up that we had a baby on the way, just in case. I think it is a lot like the shift you go through after you get married. You know, hearing, "no, no, no" for 20+ years, to suddenly hearing "multiply and replenish."

    And...I don't know if this will effect you in the least, but I sure wasn't prepared for how traumatic Carter's blessing was for me. I was a basket case the morning before and I am so grateful that we didn't have anything planned before church. It was a weird situation. I wasn't sad, but it was very overwhelming to hear MY husband bless MY child, and to know that I would never have to sit through another blessing childless. Baby blessings aren't nearly as hard as they were during infertility, but I still feel a lot of emotion and have to hold my baby boy when I sit through one.

    Now is a great time of change. Both physically and emotionally. It is a time of healing. It really helps being able to talk with someone who suffered with and eventually beat infertility. I don't know what I would have done without my friend Kat during my pregnancy. She really helped me through that transition. I hope that you start feeling a bit better soon so that we can talk. Love ya!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Popping in from Feigning Fertility to wish you a BIG FAT congratulations!! That's so wonderful and I hope everything goes smoothly!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. A fun and exciting online gambling theme.
    .

    G club Online Investment Our online casino site is one of the most popular online gambling sites. A player who is interested in investing online with us, you can come to play the game with us here. Investors will only invest in your favorite online investment with this online bet that is played every day.

    Today, the gambler to use the online casino games on our website, investors will receive a lot of promotions. And bonuses at our site at this. We have a team of many services that you want to bet with us. You are not playing or have not played before. We have a team to introduce you. Interested in investing with us. Make money online at home, investors can join in to register with our online gambling games. Today, our website also has a system to play online lottery online lottery services with investors as well. Do not wait to use online investment services with us here. Gclub มือถือ

    ReplyDelete