When I was a young girl dreaming about the future, my dreams consisted of a big mansion with acres of yard and gardens, children running everywhere, myself in an apron fixing dinner for my husband who would come home and give me a kiss. It was the perfect "Happy Ever After" for me. Yesterday was my 27th birthday. 27. My life, at this point, it not at all what I had in mind as a 16-year-old girl! I work full time, I don't have a mansion (or even a house at this point), not children running under foot. I do have an apron, but I am not the cook I once dreamed of being!
But I had some pretty big realizations yesterday. I had to work 14 hours on my special day, which wasn't really a big deal for me. (My DH wasn't too excited about it). I LOVE my job as a teacher! It seems kinda selfish, but it is so rewarding when the light bulbs go off for my students and they get a concept they have been struggling with. My students were so incredibly sweet! They bought me socks (I have a sock fetish!!), pizza, chocolate, cake. I got cards signed by them all. They hugged me and complimented me and were just amazing! I am such a proud teacher!! I realized that I don't have to be a mom to make a difference. Everyday I am at work, I am influencing lives for good. It is so rewarding!!
Today, my heart is full of happiness, which it hasn't felt in a very long time. I am a teacher and and educator and I help people change their lives. I am an Aunt and my nieces adore me, which is more than I could ever ask for. I am a wife who is loved by a worthy, handsome man. I am a daughter who is doing everything I can to make my parents proud. I am a sister who tries her hardest to be a good example to her younger brother. I am a daughter-in-law who loves their son and does everything possible to take care of him. I am a grand-daughter who loves unconditionally and will do everything possible to make life easier for my grandparents. I am a sister-in-law with laughs and a listening ear to share. I am a friend to many who may not have anywhere else to turn at times. These are some of my proudest titles.
I don't have the title just yet of mother, and for today at least, that is okay. I realize it is a day by day type of thing. Tomorrow, I may be scraping the bottom of the barrel for some kind of happiness, but for today, for this hour, in the very moment, it is enough. It is exactly enough. So, being 27 with no little children wondering around wasn't in my plans. Being 27 living with my in-laws waiting for our home wasn't in my plans. But I have to have faith that someone has bigger plans for me. My plans are constantly changing and growing, and so am I.