It seems I can't even run to the grocery store without seeing several dozen women (I am NOT exaggerating on this number either!!) sporting the newest spring look. I have to admit, it looks fantastic and I only wish I could sport the same thing. It is the baby bump. It is so adorable! They waddle and I see them holding their low backs and struggling to figure out gravity with the new found life growing out in front of them. I am so thrilled for them and the excitement that lies in wait! But, I always get so jealous! I find myself sometimes getting bitter and angry and I usually just turn away. Does it ever get easier? Do I ever stop being jealous of what I can't have? How do I become "okay" with who I am...and who I am not?
PS...if you are reading this and expecting, please know that I love you dearly and I am excited for you! I have about 8 friends/family expecting in the next 4 months I am tickled for all of you!!
I just try to remember how miserable they are or are going to be. Not that it helps, I still get jealous too. The worst time was when my SIL was about 2 weeks from delivery and her brother said "Gees Sis, you look ready to pop!" She glared at him and his mother yelled at him to be nice. What I would give to have the chance to have someone say something like that to me! I hate it when they don't appreciate what they have!
ReplyDeleteWe have about 30 women in our ward who are pregnant right now and each week it seems like I learn of someone new. You try to put on your "happy face" for them because you truly are happy for them, but it is also a reminder of what you don't have and what you are struggling with. I read a scripture over the weekend about patience (Romans 5:1-4). "And patience, experience; experience, hope:" and we could add "appreciation", for when it does happen, we will have a greater appreciation for it. It also makes me jealous, angry, bitter, sad, etc, but then I think of my many friends who are in their 30s and single. At least I have been blessed with a wonderful husband in my life who shares this trial with me and together we can make it through.
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