Wednesday, March 11, 2009

My Buy-In

There is a multi-billion dollar industry out there that nearly every woman buys into at one point or another in her life. Some women are thrilled and excited about this buy-in while others are left devastated, hurt and broken because of this one little product. Some buy it discreetly, buying other unnecessary items to hide this particular one. Others have their friends purchase it so as not to be embarrassed, or they are just scared whatever the outcome will be. I'm not sure there are many men who go out searching for this product. I can see them standing in front of the many different choices, realizing what a daunting task lies in front of them.

Such is the story of a home pregnancy test. I fell slave to one of these again this week. I'm not sure why I torture myself so, but I was feeling all of the symptoms. No, I wasn't late, but I was nauseous, I almost threw up when I walked into the classroom because of all the smells my nose caught wind of, and I just overall didn't feel well. I thought, okay...I'm going to run to the store on lunch and test in the bathroom. I did. I drove as quickly as I could, ran inside (bought a salad so it wasn't the only thing in my hand when I checked out) and went back to the school. I hid inside my "favorite stall" and peed on the stick. I pretty much knew the results before I took the test, but a small, mustard size seed of hope was in the very back of my heart. I couldn't help but think of all the students who had been in the same situation I was in this bathroom, waiting for results, waiting to see how their lives would be changed. Alas, one line. Not pregnant. I didn't really feel anything, but almost immediately, I physically felt better.

It is such a strange thing. One little stick, a small amount of urine one a stick, can change your life forever. I don't really feel changed. I have been through the disappointment many, many times before. But I guess I just continue to wait. I am getting better at gaining some hope. My husband continues to pray and hold me and let me know that there is a grander plan, one that I cannot even fathom right now. The package had two in it, so if you need one, you can call me! :)

4 comments:

  1. Hey been there dozen of times I know where you are coming from.. The disappointment the feelings of the not positive test... I'm so sorry..

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  2. I DO NOT miss those days. My period is always late so I would wait a week after the normal day and then I would plan it out.
    I'll take it on Thursday morning so when it's negative I can go to work and be too busy to think about it. Or I'll get up extra early on Saturday and take it so when it's negative I can crawl back into bed. Or I'll take it Sunday so my hubby can hold me as I cry when it's negative.
    Sadly yes, that was my mind set: "when it's negative." I just couldn't hope anymore. The last few I took I didn't even tell my hubby. I guess because it was such a norm and I was tired of crying over it. Hubby is a great support; I was just tired of having the same pitty party every month so I would take the test, throw it away, and not think about it anymore.
    I remember the test I got the most excited about. We had been married about 4 years and one night he was eating chips and salsa and I wanted some. I HATE SALSA! I couldn't get enough over the next few days and I decided it was a pregnancy food craving. But it wasn't...
    It was kind of fun to think about this, I need to post my negative tests on my blog so I can always remember them. It reminds me of that show "How I Met Your Mother," except for us it will be "How we finally came to adopt you." I can't wait for that day.

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  3. I just did the same thing. It is so hard. It is funny how we know it is a no...but we still do it knowing it will say yes. I would keep that other test... as a good luck charm for when you REALLY need it!

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