Sunday, March 18, 2012

It's happening again

I have been worried about writing about my secondary infertility because of the looks or the comments I may receive.  "But you have a child.  That is more than some women will ever hope to have." And ya know what, you are right.  I am not being selfish.  I am ever so grateful for the AMAZING blessing of my sweet little boy.  I promised Heavenly Father that I would never take him for granted and I DON'T, but at the end of the day, this is my blog and I can freely write about how I am feeling. If  you read my main blog you would know that I don't take a moment for granted! onto the post...

I went to church today.  I love church!  I love church because of the amazing ward I am in.  They are so supportive.  They are all so kind.  But my ward is full of young, spunky PREGNANT women.  Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE them dearly!  I know several of them have struggled with getting pregnant themselves so I don't hate.  :)  It is just hard.  I am looking at the women at church and wishing it was me.  We went to the zoo yesterday and you know what I noticed?  All of the pregnant women!  *sigh*  I am nearly 30 (wow...I said it, it must really be true!) and I really thought I would be done before I was 35.  It scares me to think we may not even have #2 before that time!  6 years.  6 years it took me to get pregnant with Tiny Baby.  When I was younger, much younger, I pictured myself with 8 children.  But times have changed.  I think about my family and I see, dream, of 3 little boys.  3 perfect little boys.  But if I only get 1, gosh, he sure is perfect!!

Gosh, I love that boy!!  Thank you, Heavenly Father, for sending me such an amazing, perfect blessing.  If if be thy will, someday I would love to give him a brother.  If not, thanks for letting me be his mommy!!                                               


  1. You are a better woman than I. I think I would be heartbroken to only have one, though I do love him dearly. He is the sweetest little boy who is "painting" the cpu with an unused sponge brush as I speak. I can learn a lot from you Brander Bean. I hope to be as good a woman as you someday but for now I share in your pain a little as I am 10 months into trying to get pregnant again. I hope neither of us has to wait much longer.

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