Friday, August 19, 2011

It never ends

I have taken a break from posting on this blog because I had thought, "Well, I got pregnant and now I have a darling, sweet, perfect little boy, what right do I have to post on my infertility blog?"  And the truth is, it never ends.  Please, don't get me wrong.  I love my Bug so incredibly much and I absolutely do not take a single moment with him for granted!  I hold him and love on him and cuddle him and play with him.  This is NOT a pity party.  This is me expressing my thoughts.  I cannot believe he is 13 months old!  Where did the time go?

But in reality, inferility is peaking its ugly little head.  We are not/have not prevented pregnancy.  I have thought about having a second child since Bug was born.  I am constantly worrying about having another child.  I am constantly driving myself crazy about getting pregnant again.  I am almost 30 years old.  I was supposed to be done having children by the time I was 35.  It is crazy, emotional.  It never stops.  There is no, "I changed my  mind.  I chicken out of this roller coaster, I want off" place.  Here we are.  Here I am, standing on the precipice of craziness. 

2 comments:

  1. I completely agree with you, it never ends. Every time Carter goes through a new stage I think to myself, "will I ever get to experience another child's first steps or first word again?" I, like you, am so grateful to have had my miracle boy. However, I still long for the larger future family. I have been thinking a lot about #2 lately, but not quite ready to dedicate my whole heart to the ups and downs and pain of TTC (although we have been 'trying' for 8 months...I guess I'm not ready to admit we're in the TTC stage.) Infertility is rotten!!!

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